All EMO Stuff

Hesitating

2010-03-22T02:53:00.000-07:00

When I hesitate, is it as a sign that it's simply not meant to be, or a lack of conviction on my part?

When it doesn't feel right, should i stick with it till I'm absolutely sure, or should I just end it now and save all the energy, time and effort?

When I don't feel appreciated, am

I asking to much from others, or am I just setting my barriers to high?

When I am not happy, is the world at fault, or should I just learn how to be content?

When the trust is broken, is there a good enough reason to still believe it will work, or am I just afraid to cut off ties because of all the uncertainty?

Is it me? Is it them?

Nothing

2010-01-01T06:05:00.001-08:00

I know I can do it. I can see it when I close my eyes. I can see myself on top, successful, admired. And yet nothing.

I read and hear about people making it big. I tell myself I can do the same. I feel inspired. I plan for tomorrow. Tomorrow becomes present. And yet nothing.

A new year is upon us. I hope good things from it. I have

my resolutions. In a year’s time, will I look back and say I have accomplished nothing?

I dream. I hope. I have always done so. I try my best. Live a full life. And yet every time I look back, when I reflect on my past, I feel there’s nothing to be proud of.

Ask me what have been the meaning of my existence and I would probably leave you with no answer. Ask me what do I plan with the future and I could say many things and yet leave no memorable answer. Don' t ask me who I am for I myself don’t even know the answer.

Nothing. Inside. To remember. The future. Nothing.

Alive

2009-12-26T07:46:00.001-08:00

I turn the music on and calmness overtakes me. Then I close my eyes and everything becomes tranquil. The music, the dark, my imagination awakens and takes its own course.

I let myself be taken. I willingly yield and I am captured by it completely. I would feel warm, more alive even.

I open my eyes. The warm
feeling vanishes. I see my room. Reality settles in. I am but again escaping the real world with daydream.

I feel myself breathing, my eyes watering and only a soft imprint of what energy I was filled with remains. Why is it in reality I feel less alive and in daydream I feel more that I am living?

A Place Promised in Our Early Years

2009-12-25T09:04:00.000-08:00

sA story of friendship, friendship lost, lost friendship rekindled, and friendship blossoming into love. This is a story of 3 best friends gathered by ambition, separated, and then brought together by the same ambition that they have initially failed to realize. A masterpiece by renowned Japanese director Makoto Shinkai.

Watch the movie after the jump.

Wall to Wall

2009-12-09T22:14:00.000-08:00

These walls reach out to remind me of the good times and the bad

They have heard the laughter, the triumphant hoots, the envious chuckles

These walls have seen the tears, the sense of loss and the joy of gain

They have gasped and cheered when the bubbly champagne splashed them

The party times, the home comings, the welcome guests with joyous kids

They have as well cringed in pain

The putty and the wall paint will never erase those scars
The memories of deafening silence that hurt more than
inflicted wounds

They have heard the soft whispers of thoughts, unsaid, suppressed

Purblinded by the stampede of emotions, trampled by surging ego

A clean slate awaits me - a new house with new walls

Memories folded and packed

I'm ready, exited and expectant

Soon someone else will stare at them lost in thoughts of joy or sorrow

It will be theirs to amuse or abuse

A mute spectator of the game called life

From poemhunter.com

Extraordinary Pantene Commercial in Thailand (Video)

2009-12-09T08:21:00.000-08:00

The story of a deaf and mute girl who learns to play the violin against all odds.

Watch the video after the jump.

Do You Love Someone This Much?

2009-12-04T04:32:00.000-08:00

Girl: Slow down, I'm scared.
Guy: No, this is fun.
Girl: No it's not. Please it's too scary!
Guy : Then tell me you love me.
Girl: Fine, I love you. Slow down!
Guy: Now give me a big hug.
Girl : *hugs him*
Guy: Can you take my helmet off and put it on yourself? It's bugging me.
Girl: Alright, now slow down
Guy: I love you babe
Girl: I love you too, please just slowdown now! Please!

In the paper the next day:

"A motorcycle had crashed into a building because of a brake failure. Two people were on it, but only one had survived. The truth was that halfway down the road, the guy realized that his brakes broke, but he didn't want to let the girl know. Instead, he had her say she loved him and hug him one last time. Then he had her wear his helmet so that she would live even though it meant that he would die.

Voices of a Distant Star (Video)

2009-12-03T21:47:00.000-08:00

A story of two young lovers separated by great distance and how such both affected and did not affect their feelings toward each other.

Watch the video after the jump.

The Sleepover Secret

2009-12-03T20:31:00.000-08:00

It was almost 1am. The girls were still enjoying digging into each other’s thoughts and perceptions. A few girls took showers that made the room smell of scented soap and lotion. Listening to the barely audible tunes of ABBA, some were sprawled across mattresses that were laid out on the floor. The music and the cool air made us sleepy but the talk was far too

interesting to even consider sleep. Pairs huddled close together, sharing a blanket or a pillow or a shoulder.

She was sitting next to me and it was her turn. I was gonna be next, I was absent-mindedly hugging my knees, a blanket pulled over me. She said the name (I was suddenly paying full attention). She spilled everything. Not a thought spared. Feelings, that was what she called them. The littlest flinch did not escape me (feelings, she said). Lucky boy, I thought (slightly smiling at my internal joke). Sooner than I had expected, she was done. I only had a quick moment to think.

The first boy to have crossed my mind. A former crush. Long forgotten admiration put to good use. Typical, they said, expected too. I couldn’t possibly say “oh same as hers”. It would totally kill her moment. Feelings, she called them. I couldn’t get over it.

It took me less than a minute to elaborate. Partly because it wasn’t true. Well, it used to be true but not anymore.

A few months passed since that sleepover. I told one of the girls the truth - the one I hid. She said, “thank you for taking the feelings of your sister into consideration but it was at your expense.”

Who knows if the truth will ever come out. I hope I’m the one who gets to say it first.

From justjeni@tumblr.com

Sebastian's Voodoo (Video)

2009-12-03T08:04:00.000-08:00

The unknown suffering of voodoo dolls.

Watch the video after the jump.

The Look

2009-12-03T07:42:00.000-08:00

I wonder if it really exists.
I’m talking about the look that they talk about in movies.
They say it’s how someone looks at the person they care about the most.
I want to see that look.
Just to know if
it really does exist.
And when I see it, I hope I recognize it.
I hope it’s for me.

From justjeni@tumblr.com

Weapon

2009-12-01T01:06:00.000-08:00

I can’t anymore recall when I made a pact with myself to keep all my frustrations, angst, and anger inside. To keep it trapped and wait for it to burst. Believing that when it bursts, I would finally break myself from the chains of my incapacities that bind me content with my life. Afraid of taking risks, I’ve only taken myself to the last step over the cliff but never had the guts to jump. And though at times, it felt that I have jumped, I wake up one morning, realizing, I’ve only bent down to see what’s below and felt the rush but never really jumped.

It has taken the better of me. I’ve made more than enough wrong decisions to undue any genuine feeling

of triumph and achievement I’ve earned. Thinking about it makes my heart beat harder. It makes me visualize the consequences I may have put myself into. But there are times that thinking about it makes me feel its my only weapon against succumbing to a state of mind that I can’t change the course of my life. That with it, I have a weapon to fight with. That I’ve actually done something that makes me feel that I alone hold the reigns to the chariot of my destiny.

The Expected and Unexpected

2009-12-01T00:38:00.000-08:00

More often than not, at least in the book of my life, the expected does not always come to pass. But when it does, it gives an utter sense of satisfaction, triumph and fulfillment. Funny thing though, it seems often not to last for long. Forgotten instantly when we have willed to achieve another. But when it doesn’t

come to pass, the sense of disappointment, regret, and even failure seems to stick with you longer than you anticipate. And even resurfaces unknowingly during better times ruining the moment.

The expected makes life predictable. It leaves the future bereft of surprise. And the longer and stronger the sense of anticipation, the more hurtful when it is not fulfilled. I’ve come to notice that expectations when fulfilled often entail a weak impact on our lives. The feeling of accomplishment is often more spur of the moment rather than life changing. What really makes a difference and life exciting is the unexpected.

An Inconvenient Truth

2009-11-30T07:57:00.000-08:00

Nothing in the world is more common than unsuccessful people with talent.

From jailbreak.com

I Put Up This Wall

2009-11-29T03:06:00.000-08:00

His story started with him being born and his dad leaving his mom for another woman. His mom eventually remarried. He said he didn’t object because he wanted his mom to just be happy again. He says he’s an only child who’s got a lot of siblings. He would say that and then laugh, making him sound amused more than bitter or resentful. You’d be fooled into thinking he’s fine with everything. He ended up staying with his grandmother who took care of him. When she got old and sick, their roles reversed. He was taking care of her.

I asked him about his family name. He carried

the name of his father who he never met. His mom after getting married got a new family name. I regretted ever asking because I felt overwhelming loneliness when he explained it to me. This boy is so alone.

He provides for himself now, renting a place not far from here. He lives alone and he would say things like he’s used to having to take care of himself. He’s only 23! My brother’s 23 and he can’t prepare himself one decent meal. I’m not supposed to but I really feel sorry for him and mad at his parents. Mad because they’re stupid to have a child and then just leave him in some kind of void in between the families they now have.

You would look at this person and you wouldn’t even get a clue of what’s going on in his head. He’s always smiling, joking about things, laughing a really annoying laugh.

You had to be there to really get why I’m saying all these things now.

How are you supposed to feel when someone tries to change everything he is just so you would take a second look at him.

Says things like he’ll have to get a different job so he could have a fighting chance to reach his dreams and he means you.

Looks at you and blurts out “you're beautiful”.

Makes mistakes when you’re away because instead of focusing, he’s worrying about you.

Says he misses you the moment you step out of sight.

When he won’t be able to see you he leaves messages and asks other people to ask you how you’re doing.

I hate myself for thinking I deserve someone better than this guy. I think about it and he doesn’t have a chance (not even a little bit). I wish someone could just look at me and say “I totally get it.”

From justjeni@tumblr.com

Purpose

2009-11-12T08:59:00.000-08:00

How does one find purpose? How does one define one's life? How do you find answers?

Someday

2009-11-08T09:02:00.000-08:00

Someday, I'll leave this place. And I'll take all my principles, ideals, and beliefs with me. Until that day, I just have to deal with everything that's thrown at me. That's the only thing I can do for now. When that day comes, nothing can and will hold

me down anymore. I'll live my life for myself and not for anybody else. I'll decide based on what I want and not for the sake of others. I can't wait to leave this place.

Alone

2009-10-30T10:05:00.000-07:00

I feel it more often now. More often I stare blankly at distant sights daydreaming. Daydreaming because I have no other outlet, no other person to talk to, to confide with. No sports I’m good at to distract my attention. More often I get jealous of others for

the smallest reasons.

Someone who feels the same. I always wonder if somebody ever feels the same. That at this moment, awake, comprehending the incomprehensible that is life; that I am actually not alone feeling alone.

Losing

2009-10-30T10:00:00.000-07:00

I feel incompetent. It’s as if I only win, the few times that I do, because of the people I’m with and not because of what I contribute. On my own, I don’t think I would

have won as much. This realization is hitting me hard. Now I question the possibility of being successful in the future, of being an entrepreneur, of impacting change. I don’t want a life that is anything less.

Escape. Daydream.

2009-10-30T09:55:00.000-07:00

I often look out to the distant view hoping it would reveal some answers. And as distant as the view is how hopeless I know that I will receive enlightenment. Then I narrow my eyes and the image gets blurry. As habit, I have trapped myself in

daydream.

Daydream. When I do, I spoil myself with the best my imagination could offer. It was an effective outlet at first. But now, I’ve made it an escape, this daydreaming; even daydreaming unintentionally when the real world gets too much to handle. An escape from the bars of dullness, the lock of monotony, and the walls of restlessness the prison of my life is constructed of.

What is My Destiny

2009-10-30T08:11:00.000-07:00

Suicide. I’ve thought about it. And I guess the fact that I’ve thought about it is alarming in itself. I thought about ending it once and for all. To just do it in one go. No more hassles of proving yourself, doing hard work, making a mark in this world. But then I contemplate.

Destiny. Such a difficult word to explain. So abstract. Is it my destiny to just give up? Be buried 3 feet deep at the
age of 21. Forgotten: for the short time I have lived, there is nothing great to remember me by.

I guess the decision is mine to make, which makes it "not" about destiny.

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2009-10-29T03:34:00.000-07:00

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About

2009-10-28T07:15:00.000-07:00

This site is for those in deep thought of life and their emotions.

No man has never felt down and heavy. And when those moments hit us, we find comfort in people who feel the same and in sharing our story. This site is dedicated for such an avenue.

Tell your story. You might be surprised that you’re not alone.