Hesitating 2:53 AM

When I hesitate, is it as a sign that it's simply not meant to be, or a lack of conviction on my part? 

When it doesn't feel right, should i stick with it till I'm absolutely sure, or should I just end it now and save all the energy, time and effort?

When I don't feel appreciated, am

Nothing 6:05 AM

I know I can do it. I can see it when I close my eyes. I can see myself on top, successful, admired. And yet nothing.

I read and hear about people making it big. I tell myself I can do the same. I feel inspired. I plan for tomorrow. Tomorrow becomes present. And yet nothing.

A new year is upon us. I hope good things from it. I have

Alive 7:46 AM

I turn the music on and calmness overtakes me. Then I close my eyes and everything becomes tranquil. The music, the dark, my imagination awakens and takes its own course.

I let myself be taken. I willingly yield and I am captured by it completely. I would feel warm, more alive even.

I open my eyes. The warm

The Sleepover Secret 8:31 PM

It was almost 1am. The girls were still enjoying digging into each other’s thoughts and perceptions. A few girls took showers that made the room smell of scented soap and lotion. Listening to the barely audible tunes of ABBA, some were sprawled across mattresses that were laid out on the floor. The music and the cool air made us sleepy but the talk was far too

The Look 7:42 AM

I wonder if it really exists.
I’m talking about the look that they talk about in movies.
They say it’s how someone looks at the person they care about the most.
I want to see that look.
Just to know if

Weapon 1:06 AM

I can’t anymore recall when I made a pact with myself to keep all my frustrations, angst, and anger inside. To keep it trapped and wait for it to burst. Believing that when it bursts, I would finally break myself from the chains of my incapacities that bind me content with my life. Afraid of taking risks, I’ve only taken myself to the last step over the cliff but never had the guts to jump. And though at times, it felt that I have jumped, I wake up one morning, realizing, I’ve only bent down to see what’s below and felt the rush but never really jumped.

It has taken the better of me. I’ve made more than enough wrong decisions to undue any genuine feeling

The Expected and Unexpected 12:38 AM

More often than not, at least in the book of my life, the expected does not always come to pass. But when it does, it gives an utter sense of satisfaction, triumph and fulfillment. Funny thing though, it seems often not to last for long. Forgotten instantly when we have willed to achieve another. But when it doesn’t

I Put Up This Wall 3:06 AM

His story started with him being born and his dad leaving his mom for another woman. His mom eventually remarried. He said he didn’t object because he wanted his mom to just be happy again. He says he’s an only child who’s got a lot of siblings. He would say that and then laugh, making him sound amused more than bitter or resentful. You’d be fooled into thinking he’s fine with everything. He ended up staying with his grandmother who took care of him. When she got old and sick, their roles reversed. He was taking care of her.

I asked him about his family name. He carried

Purpose 8:59 AM

How does one find purpose? How does one define one's life? How do you find answers?

Someday 9:02 AM

Someday, I'll leave this place. And I'll take all my principles, ideals, and beliefs with me. Until that day, I just have to deal with everything that's thrown at me. That's the only thing I can do for now. When that day comes, nothing can and will hold

Alone 10:05 AM

I feel it more often now. More often I stare blankly at distant sights daydreaming. Daydreaming because I have no other outlet, no other person to talk to, to confide with. No sports I’m good at to distract my attention. More often I get jealous of others for

Losing 10:00 AM

I feel incompetent. It’s as if I only win, the few times that I do, because of the people I’m with and not because of what I contribute. On my own, I don’t think I would

Escape. Daydream. 9:55 AM

I often look out to the distant view hoping it would reveal some answers. And as distant as the view is how hopeless I know that I will receive enlightenment. Then I narrow my eyes and the image gets blurry. As habit, I have trapped myself in

What is My Destiny 8:11 AM

Suicide. I’ve thought about it. And I guess the fact that I’ve thought about it is alarming in itself. I thought about ending it once and for all. To just do it in one go. No more hassles of proving yourself, doing hard work, making a mark in this world. But then I contemplate.

Destiny. Such a difficult word to explain. So abstract. Is it my destiny to just give up? Be buried 3 feet deep at the